What to Say When Your Kid's Team Loses The Game

It can be hard to find the right words to say when your child looks up at you with those big, disappointed eyes after losing the game. You might not be the coach of the team, but as their parent, you are coaching your child through life, and what you say matters.

There’s nothing quite like the pride you feel as you sit in the bleachers, watching one of the people you love most in the world take the winning shot. As the crowd around you cheers and the rest of the team congratulates your child, your heart is fit to burst. But what about the days when your child’s team doesn’t get to take the trophy home?

Not all sports games end in glory, and you may find yourself searching for the right words to say to your disappointed child after a losing game. It might not surprise you to hear that what you say is really important. Your child looks up to you, and, even though they may not always act like it, your opinion really matters to them. What you say after a losing game is at least as important as what you say after a winning game-maybe even more so.

If you need some ideas on how to help your child cope with the disappointment that comes with losing, here are some approaches you could try:

1.  “Great game!”

Ok, they didn’t win, but that’s not all that’s important. Sports are about health, fitness, confidence building, teamwork, and a multitude of other life skills that your child is benefiting from thanks to their love of sports. They might not have won, but hopefully, they still enjoyed the chance to play. As the parent, it’s your job to make sure your child knows you love watching them play-whether they win or lose.

In fact, a 2025 survey found that the most impactful phrase parents can say after a game is: “I love to watch you play.” This simple statement reinforces unconditional support and helps restore the joy of the game for your child.

2.  “I saw you…”

Your child might not be polishing the trophy right now, but that doesn’t mean they didn’t play a good game. Think about the things you usually congratulate them on-the difficult tackles, the excellent teamwork, and the way they hold themselves on the pitch-and talk about those. Sports really aren’t all about winning, and how they play in a game is just as important as the final score.

Focusing on specific efforts and behaviors encourages a growth mindset, which is increasingly emphasized in youth sports psychology.

3.  “Good effort!”

This is a phrase that is useful during winning games too. Instead of focusing on the final result, your praise should focus on the effort that went into the game. It doesn’t matter whether their team won or lost; what matters is that they tried their best. Make sure that is what you focus on when you congratulate them for the game. This is a useful phrase to use at other times too because it will reinforce the belief that the outcome isn’t the most important thing-it’s the effort that really counts.

Emphasizing effort over outcome helps children develop resilience and a healthy attitude toward competition.

4.  “You seem disappointed.”

This is an important point. It’s okay to feel disappointed. It’s okay to feel frustrated and angry, too. Your child can’t help how they feel. Try not to dismiss their feelings by telling them to "suck it up" or that they’re not showing very good sportsmanship. Instead, talk about how they are feeling. If they tell you they’re annoyed, paraphrase it back to them. This technique helps them feel heard and is an important tool in helping them manage their emotions.

Normalizing emotions and allowing children to express their feelings is a key strategy recommended by sports psychologists to help young athletes process losses healthily.

5.  “Let’s go and…”

Whatever it is you usually do after a winning game-grab lunch at a pancake house, head out for ice cream, or just relax in front of a movie-do it. Keeping your after-game routine the same can help to reinforce the belief that it doesn’t matter if you win or lose. After a few hours of quality time with you, your child will probably be feeling much better. If you only take your child for pancakes after a winning game, it will reinforce the idea that losing is undesirable and may even leave them questioning whether they are being punished for losing.

Maintaining consistent post-game routines, regardless of the game's outcome, helps children understand that their value isn't tied to winning.

6. “Would you like to talk about the game?”

Sometimes, giving your child the space to initiate conversations about the game can be beneficial. They may need time to process their emotions before discussing the game's details. By asking if they want to talk about it, you respect their feelings and provide an opportunity for open communication when they're ready.
Allowing children to lead post-game discussions fosters autonomy and helps them develop coping strategies.

7. “I’m proud of you.”

Expressing pride in your child's efforts, regardless of the game's outcome, reinforces their self-worth and encourages continued participation. Let them know that your pride isn't contingent on winning but on their dedication, teamwork, and sportsmanship.

Such affirmations contribute to building a child's self-esteem and motivation.

What You Say After a Losing Effort Can Go a Long Way

As a parent, you have the power to help your child navigate through the challenges of failure and losing.

It’s a part of life, but it’s also vital to show your support and help your child understand that life has lows and highs. Next time, you could be celebrating a huge win!

With these eight tips, you can always find the right thing to say and cheer up your child after losing the big game.